I saw you the night before last

I saw you the night before last. You looked just as beautiful as the first time I saw you. The first time I really saw you. A few strands of white hair, a few fine lines, but still there.

You looked at me smiled and like everytime before, my breath caught im my throat and I had to remember to breathe.

Love is such a strange thing. Especially past loves. The feelings and memories they call forth are like an unexpected and unpredicted high tide. If you fight it, it will take you.

There you stood in my doorway, to home neither of us has been before. Anxiety rippled off of you. You stood hesistant to enter. Gaining control of my senses and fighting the urge to go to you. I smiled at you and carried on with whatever activity held my attention prior to your arrival.

I watched in my peripheral as the anxiety and tension that held you place melted away. I placed a baking tray into the oven and you rushed over to me. Your eyes wandering over me searching for something. 

You wrapped your arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around your waist. I returned the gesture while remaining slightly rigid against the softness and vulnerability of your embrace.

I knew better.

You started rambling off a litany of things while pulling away until we were face to face. I could see tears well in your eyes and that is when I knew.

This was a dream.

I locked eyes with you and smiled, telling you to slow down. I stepped back and busied myself at a sink. You stepped closer, continuing to ramble on but it was muffled and I couldn't make out what you were saying.

I stopped and looked at you again, making eye contact and said "you dont have to do anything right now".

I started to hear and see my friends in the next room. Laughing and carrying on. I felt as if I were missing out on something great.

You continued to talk but again it was muffled. I felt the panic, the anxiety coming off you in waves. I kept trying to calm you and soothe your worries. 

I was torn between between feeling like I was missing out and feeling like if I left you I would miss something.

Then it was over.

I woke.

No alarm.

No noise. 

Just darkness.

My thoughts. 

My thoughts of you.

Who we were.

What we were.

What we've become.

To ourselves.

To each other.

Just myself and these thoughts 530am.

I'm sure theres a message to be found in there. As sure as I am that this was a random occurrence.